This was truly a blast to read. I am also a renegade. When my second husband and I married, the only person who cared was my mother, and she didn’t count in this situation. At all. My husband still smirks when today people (in NW Iowa) are terribly confused/upset by my decision back in 1988. I’m 65 now and still don’t give a rats rump what they think. And my husband still loves me!
When i was about to get married 44.5 years ago and planning on taking my husband’s name because it was easier to spell than mine; I wanted to have the same name as my kids (when i had them) and my first name was already very difficult for the typical American to handle… i asked my dad what he thought and he said “ It is just another man’s name” - mine or your husbands- not a big difference. Such is patriarchy and the wisdom of fathers.
I got remarried a few years ago after being a widow. The amount of work it would have taken to change my name, all my accounts, nursing license in two states, degrees, and publications was overwhelming. My husband was “ok, not a problem”. When we go places sometimes we get referred to as his last name or my last name and we just go with it.
I didn't change my last name either. It makes life so much easier with Social Security, passport, etc. I tell people ahead of time that I didn't change my name and add that "I am of that generation". But even organizations that should know better, like AARP, mangle our names on our auto and homeowners insurance.
We always use it as a test of whether people actually know us or not. If they ask for Mr. MyLastName or Mrs. HisLastName, they don’t. His is hard to spell and pronounce (and hysterically, my late MIL had my late FIL change the spelling before they married as he was a Polish immigrant after WW II). I offered him mine when we got married, but he declined.
I have three granddaughters and I will advise them all to keep their birth names should they marry. I happen to be on my fourth last name (75 yrs old); divorced, widowed, married to my “last” husband. Fortunately, the Social Security Administration has been able to keep track of me. Life doesn’t always turn out like you think it will. Or should I say never?
"Here's my problem," I told my grad school professor. "While visiting my parents, I met a man who lives in the part of rural Iowa where I grew up. Now we plan to marry. I wish I could make it clear to everyone that I'm not slinking home in defeat, after 15 years." "Keep your name," she replied. My fiance agreed immediately and we''ve spent 41 years confounding the locals!
My response is always “I have my own”. We’ve been married 31 years and I don’t think my husband has ever felt less married because we don’t share a last name.
This was truly a blast to read. I am also a renegade. When my second husband and I married, the only person who cared was my mother, and she didn’t count in this situation. At all. My husband still smirks when today people (in NW Iowa) are terribly confused/upset by my decision back in 1988. I’m 65 now and still don’t give a rats rump what they think. And my husband still loves me!
I wonder if anyone made similar comments to either one of Mitch McConnell’s wifes, since neither changed their names.
Married 39 years: still not changing my name!
When i was about to get married 44.5 years ago and planning on taking my husband’s name because it was easier to spell than mine; I wanted to have the same name as my kids (when i had them) and my first name was already very difficult for the typical American to handle… i asked my dad what he thought and he said “ It is just another man’s name” - mine or your husbands- not a big difference. Such is patriarchy and the wisdom of fathers.
Married 45 years and have always used my maiden name.
I love your writing!
I never changed mine, there are many cultures where name changes is not a thing
I got remarried a few years ago after being a widow. The amount of work it would have taken to change my name, all my accounts, nursing license in two states, degrees, and publications was overwhelming. My husband was “ok, not a problem”. When we go places sometimes we get referred to as his last name or my last name and we just go with it.
I didn't change my last name either. It makes life so much easier with Social Security, passport, etc. I tell people ahead of time that I didn't change my name and add that "I am of that generation". But even organizations that should know better, like AARP, mangle our names on our auto and homeowners insurance.
We always use it as a test of whether people actually know us or not. If they ask for Mr. MyLastName or Mrs. HisLastName, they don’t. His is hard to spell and pronounce (and hysterically, my late MIL had my late FIL change the spelling before they married as he was a Polish immigrant after WW II). I offered him mine when we got married, but he declined.
I have three granddaughters and I will advise them all to keep their birth names should they marry. I happen to be on my fourth last name (75 yrs old); divorced, widowed, married to my “last” husband. Fortunately, the Social Security Administration has been able to keep track of me. Life doesn’t always turn out like you think it will. Or should I say never?
I didn’t either, and it has been 447 years!!
Been married 18 + 34 and just getting ready to change mine back.
"Here's my problem," I told my grad school professor. "While visiting my parents, I met a man who lives in the part of rural Iowa where I grew up. Now we plan to marry. I wish I could make it clear to everyone that I'm not slinking home in defeat, after 15 years." "Keep your name," she replied. My fiance agreed immediately and we''ve spent 41 years confounding the locals!
My response is always “I have my own”. We’ve been married 31 years and I don’t think my husband has ever felt less married because we don’t share a last name.
Lovely— thank you!