Thank you for sharing! I have a question I’m hoping you can help me with. I am writing my first novel, and I’m finding the most anxiety inducing part to be figuring out when and how much to write. How did you write your novel? Did you write everyday? Set a daily word count? I don’t want to do too little, or too much. Going on inspiration feels frenetic to me, scheduling feels like I’m boxing myself in. Any thoughts for a budding writer?
"immersed in the low expectations of others." =sigh= Yes. All the times I was passed over for jobs because - gasp! - I was a woman. I might get married/have children and that made me worth less. That time I was so excited to be promoted for the first time and my grandmother, bless her heart, said, "Maybe now you'll be satisfied." That time my friend told me I shouldn't be looking for a manager position, that I should just take a secretarial job and be happy.
I went to school nights and weekends to get a degree, and then a master's. I carved out a niche career that led to higher paying and more influential roles, eventually retiring as a corporate communication director to become what I realized I wanted ("I want! I want!") -- a freelance book editor, primarily editing fiction (mostly murder mysteries -- so much fun!).
"But we don’t need to be the victims of other people’s missed chances and lingering regrets." I used to be chastised, then angered, by these judgments of others, but now I realize the truth of your words. and I vow to never do that to anyone else.
I want, I want. Yes. Who makes a tshirt with that emblazoned on it? We should hand it out to young women everywhere to signal their desires matter and wanting is not inconvenient
When I saw the photo in this essay, I flashed back to the night when my son was a little over a year old and I was a 20-year-old undergraduate student hoping to be a journalist. At 2 am I was typing a paper on an old IBM Selectric my dad had given me from his office which lacked the correction tape that helped white out mistakes. My son, unable to sleep, sat in my lap and then, just as I was half-way through the first page, he lifted both pudgy hands and began to "help". Did I mention the paper was due at 9 am, just a few hours hence? I would have looked much like this, glasses, bathrobe, that stare...I got the paper in. It almost killed me.
Thank you for writing this. I'm continually amazed and thrilled to find so many women whose paths are similar to mine. After years of feeling at odds with myself and my "womanly ambition" to write, first as a journalist and now as a novelist, I recognize all the pressures you describe here, all the struggles to prioritize and yet hang on to those things we want, we want, we want.
It's one thing dealing with self doubt on your writing journey. But what if your writing is under threat itself? What do you think about AI systems training their systems on your writing? It's already started. Read about this important topic in the post https://boodsy.substack.com/p/the-ai-bots-are-coming-for-your-substack
As a mother of two girls, hoping for one more baby to join our family. I needed to read this so much. I am mostly a stay at home mom with the fortunate luck of getting freelance gigs here and there because “working” still feels so meaningful and important to me. It’s a daily push-pull the motherhood and work thing and the guilt of wanting “more” is heavier on some days than others. I’m obsessed with the moon poster and a little envious of the friends you’ve been so blessed to have! What gifts. Thank you for sharing this 🩷
This was exactly the right thing for me to read. I’m 46, a single parent for 14 years and wrestling my inner critics to begin writing once and for all. I completed a uni degree in Writing over 20 years ago and never used it. I want it so badly and am terrified of it too. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement xx
This piece is not just an inspiration for women, but an inspiration for men who have women in their lives (which is probably all of us). The photo speaks volumes about the difference between what we are and what we are perceived to be; your beautiful words amplify that it is possible to live your life by that quintessential message in Hamlet: "to thine own self be true." Granted, it was said by a man to a man, but illustrates the same lesson as your column. Thanks for being true to yourself - which turned out to be a gift to journalism and humanity!
I am still ashamed and shamed of my 'I want! I want!'.
Being a travelling SAHM with no support, no daycare, no routine, my wants and desires feel like they need to squeeze to the back. However, maybe what they actually need is to be told it is ok to want.
Yes Anna! This was me all of last year. Now I have some childcare and I still struggle with feeling guilty about wanting “more” than being a mother. It’s a real push/pull.
it's one of my fav. stories I heard from you in college and I never got tired of reading it again. That's why I knew you'd be the best person to ask when I struggled in my life/career balance.
I want, I want! This is so good. It makes me think of a bit from Angels Garbes’ “Essential Labor” where she talks about often wishing during the pandemic that she didn’t have her writerly ambition — as it would have made it easier to focus on caring for her two young children without ambivalence when we all lost what tattered supports we had as American parents (I’m a mother to a 4 year old). But to banish that ambition would be like severing a limb to so many of us. I’m so grateful for spaces like this, and the one you described among women in real life, where we can celebrate this part of ourselves without having to hide it.
Oh this is so good. I have also wished that I didn’t want more than being a mother. And I have two girls - would I ever want them to not feel fully themselves? No. But that mom guilt is unrelenting sometimes.
Thank you for sharing! I have a question I’m hoping you can help me with. I am writing my first novel, and I’m finding the most anxiety inducing part to be figuring out when and how much to write. How did you write your novel? Did you write everyday? Set a daily word count? I don’t want to do too little, or too much. Going on inspiration feels frenetic to me, scheduling feels like I’m boxing myself in. Any thoughts for a budding writer?
Greetings hope you’re getting ready for the great currency reset?
"immersed in the low expectations of others." =sigh= Yes. All the times I was passed over for jobs because - gasp! - I was a woman. I might get married/have children and that made me worth less. That time I was so excited to be promoted for the first time and my grandmother, bless her heart, said, "Maybe now you'll be satisfied." That time my friend told me I shouldn't be looking for a manager position, that I should just take a secretarial job and be happy.
I went to school nights and weekends to get a degree, and then a master's. I carved out a niche career that led to higher paying and more influential roles, eventually retiring as a corporate communication director to become what I realized I wanted ("I want! I want!") -- a freelance book editor, primarily editing fiction (mostly murder mysteries -- so much fun!).
"But we don’t need to be the victims of other people’s missed chances and lingering regrets." I used to be chastised, then angered, by these judgments of others, but now I realize the truth of your words. and I vow to never do that to anyone else.
so much fine!
I want, I want. Yes. Who makes a tshirt with that emblazoned on it? We should hand it out to young women everywhere to signal their desires matter and wanting is not inconvenient
When I saw the photo in this essay, I flashed back to the night when my son was a little over a year old and I was a 20-year-old undergraduate student hoping to be a journalist. At 2 am I was typing a paper on an old IBM Selectric my dad had given me from his office which lacked the correction tape that helped white out mistakes. My son, unable to sleep, sat in my lap and then, just as I was half-way through the first page, he lifted both pudgy hands and began to "help". Did I mention the paper was due at 9 am, just a few hours hence? I would have looked much like this, glasses, bathrobe, that stare...I got the paper in. It almost killed me.
Thank you for writing this. I'm continually amazed and thrilled to find so many women whose paths are similar to mine. After years of feeling at odds with myself and my "womanly ambition" to write, first as a journalist and now as a novelist, I recognize all the pressures you describe here, all the struggles to prioritize and yet hang on to those things we want, we want, we want.
It's one thing dealing with self doubt on your writing journey. But what if your writing is under threat itself? What do you think about AI systems training their systems on your writing? It's already started. Read about this important topic in the post https://boodsy.substack.com/p/the-ai-bots-are-coming-for-your-substack
As a mother of two girls, hoping for one more baby to join our family. I needed to read this so much. I am mostly a stay at home mom with the fortunate luck of getting freelance gigs here and there because “working” still feels so meaningful and important to me. It’s a daily push-pull the motherhood and work thing and the guilt of wanting “more” is heavier on some days than others. I’m obsessed with the moon poster and a little envious of the friends you’ve been so blessed to have! What gifts. Thank you for sharing this 🩷
This was exactly the right thing for me to read. I’m 46, a single parent for 14 years and wrestling my inner critics to begin writing once and for all. I completed a uni degree in Writing over 20 years ago and never used it. I want it so badly and am terrified of it too. Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement xx
This piece is not just an inspiration for women, but an inspiration for men who have women in their lives (which is probably all of us). The photo speaks volumes about the difference between what we are and what we are perceived to be; your beautiful words amplify that it is possible to live your life by that quintessential message in Hamlet: "to thine own self be true." Granted, it was said by a man to a man, but illustrates the same lesson as your column. Thanks for being true to yourself - which turned out to be a gift to journalism and humanity!
"I would become who I wanted to be." Thank you, once again, Connie.
Thank you.
I am still ashamed and shamed of my 'I want! I want!'.
Being a travelling SAHM with no support, no daycare, no routine, my wants and desires feel like they need to squeeze to the back. However, maybe what they actually need is to be told it is ok to want.
Yes Anna! This was me all of last year. Now I have some childcare and I still struggle with feeling guilty about wanting “more” than being a mother. It’s a real push/pull.
it's one of my fav. stories I heard from you in college and I never got tired of reading it again. That's why I knew you'd be the best person to ask when I struggled in my life/career balance.
When I look at the photo of you with your child and typewriter I see a determined person. Perhaps that is what your son saw!
Excellent! I'm 61 and only now actually stepping into the real me. But at least I'm doing it...x
I want, I want! This is so good. It makes me think of a bit from Angels Garbes’ “Essential Labor” where she talks about often wishing during the pandemic that she didn’t have her writerly ambition — as it would have made it easier to focus on caring for her two young children without ambivalence when we all lost what tattered supports we had as American parents (I’m a mother to a 4 year old). But to banish that ambition would be like severing a limb to so many of us. I’m so grateful for spaces like this, and the one you described among women in real life, where we can celebrate this part of ourselves without having to hide it.
Oh this is so good. I have also wished that I didn’t want more than being a mother. And I have two girls - would I ever want them to not feel fully themselves? No. But that mom guilt is unrelenting sometimes.